the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
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Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
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No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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