it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
