I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
