He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
