Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
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