Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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