he puts the penis in happiness.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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