I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
