sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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