My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Im part way to drunk.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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