got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Randomize
