Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
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