Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
