what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
