After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
