no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
