i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
