i permit you to call me
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
