I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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