he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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