oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
