im so drunk with asians
where?
always
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
