You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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