I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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