my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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