watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
