Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize