You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Pooping to opera.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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