Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
