cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
