we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
