Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
