areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
