he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
