Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
