she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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