are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
