So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
