I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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