they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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