all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize