the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
