Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Mom said you looked used
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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