Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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