If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
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