He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
