we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
