I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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