So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
