Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
