I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
