He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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