I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
