If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
