there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
