Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
How many fucks given?
0.12846
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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