idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
The best revenge is premature balding
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
