It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
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