At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
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