Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
