Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
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