Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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